i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My dick has a subreddit
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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