there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
