I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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