matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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