I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
