Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
