I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
