Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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