yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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