I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
