Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
its not stalking. its research.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
