true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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