I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
