I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
