I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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