Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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