you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
