You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
