Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
