i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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