Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
