I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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