I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
