How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
