All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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