Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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