What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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