saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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