All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
