every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
