I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
