See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
