I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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