Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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