just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
