And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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