I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
