i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
