This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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