I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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