Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
