i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
