My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
