Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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