If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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