You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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