i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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