WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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