Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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