oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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