a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
