If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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