I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
