Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
