i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There's even glitter on my cock...
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