the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
