btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
