Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
