No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
