so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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