If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i came on her dog
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
