I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
