i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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