i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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