hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
