he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
