I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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