I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
